Parenting for Autistic Children: A Guide by Journalist and Inclusion Advocate Mugdha Kalra!

Parenting is a journey filled with joys, challenges, and countless learning moments. When it comes to parenting children on the autism spectrum, that journey often takes a unique and deeply transformative path. At Local Samosa, we believe in creating space for voices that offer guidance, empathy, and lived experience. In this guest blog, we are pleased to feature Mugha Kalra—an insightful parent and advocate—who shares her personal reflections and practical approaches to supporting autistic children with patience, understanding, and unconditional love.

Understanding Autism

Ten years back, I walked out with my son’s autism diagnosis in hand and a sinking feeling that life, as I knew it, was over. I had vaguely heard of autism. It sounded grim and dark —  the kind you see overexaggerated in movies, severe, profound and where cruel and unkind words were thrown at people — Mentally challenged, mental retardation or psycho. 

To be honest, none of these words described my child. He was a beautiful boy, with the cutest smile, happy in his space, shy and quiet, loved playing with his toys in his unique ways, made puzzles like a pro, ate his potato fries every single day and gave me tight hugs. I never looked at these as potential red flags. Now I know better. But back then, I had no agency to look at it any differently, for there was nothing that seemed amiss. Yes, the speech milestone was delayed, but then it wasn’t anywhere close to alarming. 

That’s the thing about an invisible disability— when something can’t be seen, it often isn’t believed. That’s what I learned the hard way. I missed the signs. Parents miss them all the time, teachers miss them, and people around you are ignorant, too. But over time, I realised: just because something isn’t visible doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Autism taught me that presence, not proof, is what truly matters and thus started my journey with the label—but in no means a label that defined my entire life. Of course, the latter epiphany came much later.

Nine schools in eleven years, multiple doctors, several therapists, from proven therapies to the hearsay ones, to temples, dargahs and churches. From dreaded school calls that only complained about how my child did not ‘fit’ and pointing out things that he couldn’t do like other kids, to sitting numb after meltdowns staring blankly at walls, we have come a long way. 

So, what is Autism? And more importantly, what is this new word that is being thrown around— Neurodiversity? Well, for the record, Autism is not a disease. It is a condition and so it can’t be treated, cured or fixed. But can people live well with the condition? Oh, absolutely and ‘thrive’ at it. The key is in understanding, awareness and acceptance.

What is the difference between Autism and Neurodiversity?

So, Neurodiversity means that all our brains work differently. Just like we all look different on the outside, our brains can work differently on the inside, too. Some people think, learn, feel, or communicate in unique ways, and that’s completely natural. So, neurodiversity in that sense is a concept—the big idea that all brains are different and that’s okay.

Autism, on the other hand, is one of the many brain types included in that big idea. Also, autism is a spectrum. And I wish there was a bigger understanding around that, for it can really overwhelm a parent when they just deal with the term Autism without understanding that it looks different in every person. Some people may need a lot of support in daily life, while others may need very little. Some may speak a lot, some not at all. No two autistic people are the same. Having said that, a lot of them love predictability, routine and familiarity. They relate to things visually more. Transitions are not always easy, and they may need some tools to make those shifts easy. I use a simple countdown of 5—4—3—2—1 with my son, and I am patient when he is finishing a task before switching to the other one. Rushing them plays on anxiety.

Almost all of them may have sensory sensitivities, but the degree varies. Sound, light, textures, smells, and crowds can be triggering, and as a parent, you navigate through these triggers with noise—cancelling headphones, tagless clothes, fidget toys, social stories and a calming regimen.

To be honest, I learnt this both the hard and the easy way, but what helped me was not judging my child or myself. I allowed him time and gave myself the space to be vulnerable, not perfect, and learn from every experience. I developed a thick skin, one that insulated me from the judgements of the world and allowed me to prioritise my child in moments of distress and decision-making.

I developed my own framework to help my child be his best. And I call it THRIVE.

T – Therapy

After the diagnosis, the child may need support through behavioural, occupational, speech, sensory, and emotional therapies. Age-appropriate therapies and early intervention go a long way in handling the condition well and learning to self-regulate. I can’t lay more emphasis on the importance of mental health, and always recommend that parents also seek support from family therapists and health counsellors to understand the severity of the diagnosis and recalibrate life goals. 

H – Health

Our children live with multiple co-occurrences that demand prioritising nutrition, sleep, movement, and physical well-being. Our neurologist always said, “Sports is medicine”, and that has stayed. I have put this goal over and above any other goal, for I know a fit body and mind take care of most things. And the same goes for me as a caregiver. Living a long, healthy life for my child is not a luxury but a necessity, and I want to do it right.

R – Routine

Our kids remain anxiety-free with structure and predictability in place, and that also helps them self-regulate and work on independent life skills. So my advice to young parents always is to create structures and visual calendars and let the child feel comfortable with consistency.

I – Inclusion

I had not fully understood this word until I started to seek it for myself and my child. The majority of parents in India hesitate to live a full life because of judgements, shame, guilt and blame. But for a child to truly thrive need participation in school, play, family life, and society, and that can only be achieved when you expose them to the world outside and teach them self-advocacy.

V – Voice

This, perhaps, is the toughest bit to come to terms with. My child has speech, but he doesn’t want to speak or use words for communicating, and that changed the way I understood interaction. I learned that speech is just one way to communicate, and when it’s not working, we must offer alternatives without pressure, be it AAC tools, picture cards, gestures, typing, sign language, or even behaviour patterns. I had to stop waiting for words and start responding to what was being expressed through body language, facial expressions, or sensory cues. 

E – Education

Let’s face it—inclusive education in India is broken. It exists more on paper than in practice. That’s why families need to think beyond the conventional school setup. You can homeschool. You can find smaller, more flexible schools. You can use alternative curricula that respect your child’s pace. Create your own IEP if the school doesn’t offer one. And don’t buy into the myth that school is the only place for learning or social interaction. Life itself is a classroom. Shopping, cooking, travelling, and managing emotions are all rich learning opportunities. Focus on building life skills first—academics can follow.

People often say a child chooses you. I don’t know if that’s entirely true, because I believe every parent does the best they can with the child they have. But when a child chooses you, and so does a purpose, it hits differently. 

I never wanted to be a supermom. Or a martyr. I just wanted to be a mom—one who could show up, mess up, learn, and love hard. But Autism gave me much more. It changed the way I saw the world and quietly turned me into another version of myself—one I never knew existed. It questioned everything I thought I needed in life and handed me an alternate way of living—one built on presence, patience, and purpose. 

Please note: The views expressed in this guest blog are solely those of the author.